7 reasons why I probably hate your facebook status

I, like most other college students, am mildly obsessed (yes, obsessed) with my facebook profile.

However, sometimes when I read my news feed, it makes me want to reach through my internet cables and suckerpunch half of my facebook "friends".

I have compiled the following:

1. The I-have-no-friends-so-text-me status
"X is bored. Text it. ###-###-####"
First of all, didn't your mother ever tell you not to post your personal information on the internet? Further more, if you have to beg your friends to text you, you should probably invest in some new friends.

2. ANYTHING involving "Twilight" status
Yes, we know, you love Edward Cullen. What is that you say? Everyone isn't in love with a fictional vampire? Yes, we all have/had our celebrity crushes (I was in love with Zac Hanson until I was like... 16), but planning your wedding with a fictional character? You need therapy, stat.

3. the "X IS SO SCHMAMMERED" status
Its friday night, you're drunk. awesome. Do I care? No. & "schmammered" might be the most obnoxious word ever.

4. The song lyrics status
Put down your razors, emo kids. I've never understood why people tap dance around their feelings with obscure song lyrics. You THINK that Pete Wentz and the rest of Fall Out Boy wrote specifically about your break-up with your lame high school boyfriend, but really, no they didn't. Get over it.

5. The i-feel-the-need-to-update-my-status-500-times-per-day status
you're walking your dog, molly. You're going to the mall. You're hanging out with Tina. and then OMG the Jonas Brothers are on MTV. I don't care. Check your newsfeed. If you have more than 5 status updates per day, you are abusing the facebook status privilege.

6. The I!! am!!! so!!!! excited!!!! about!!! every!!!! status!!!!! I!! have!!!! status
A million exclamation points does not make you look intelligent.

7. The passive aggressive facebook status
Now, can you expect that the object of your hatred is going to see your status, figure out it is them, alter their behavior accordingly and all will be well? Nope, probably not. Probably will never happen. Broadcasting such on your status is more than likely ineffective.

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(statuses courtesy of passiveaggressivenotes.com)






p.s. I am probably guilty of one or all of these at one point in my facebook career (except Twilight. Twilight sucks). Just sayin'.